Death and Life: Part One

I have had the most interesting last couple of days. I feel the need to document them for my future selves, against the possibility that they wake up without remembering. I will start with the first set of events logged here, then move on to the second.

For two days, Captain Vikarion and I have been harassing CVA interests in Providence. I doubt we did any substantial damage, but we did succeed in making a statement and saving several of our sister vessels. It is an exhilarating experience, to bear down on another capsuleer fitted for combat, releasing drones while praying your tank will hold... most exhilarating, indeed. We ultimately lost our lives both times, our lives and the lives of our crews. I feel no guilt; my crew knew what they signed on for quite explicitly, but chose to stay on. Had they not been willing to risk death in the name of a cause, I would not employ them.

I was podkilled twice. It is an odd sensation, to watch with distant eyes as the capsule holding your body breaches, the view fuzzing with static before suddenly waking up in a vat someplace else. It bothers some people; they struggle with the questions such events cause them to ask. For me, no. I am here, now. I am alive and I have the memories I have. I am a person now, she was a person then. We are both Lycana, I think. It is the nature of time to express seperation, to isolate 'then' and 'now'. I am this person now, regardless of the past.

And I am at peace with that.