Fly Me to the Moon

I have missed space. Too long have I spent on that blasted planet, negotiating my way through redtape and the simple ill will of the Matari people I was attempting to purchase services from. Next time, I will simply hire a stand-in to take care of such things: I do not belong in an office.

And I have missed my corpmates, more than I had thought I would. I'd forgotten, or never really known, how much they did for me, keeping me connected, keeping me whole. It's a startling realization to learn how easy it is to sink into the oceanic depths of isolation and loneliness without people to connect to. They keep me afloat.

And then there is Zegerth. I know Cia finds her somewhat... eccentric, but I find her quite pleasant company. Before this entire becursed business endeavor, she dragged me out to a bar, the Last Gate, for drinks and conversation. I must admit, I have never truly cared for bars before, but I can see the appeal now. To be alone with someone, yet still in public, to have a conversation openly, but able to withhold its contents from others... yes, I can see the appeal, now. For the first time in a long while, I felt free. I have spent a long time watching the waves in their relentless, uncaring procession. It is nice to have someone around to point out that the stars, also, can be seen.

Still, my mind drifts restlessly. I miss my people; I miss the feeling of knowing my place in the world. I know, with a certainty I thought reserved only for prophets and saints, what I need to make happen. Where I should go, what I should do to make my dream become a reality, though, are questions that, like a net, hinder and bind me. I cannot remain in the Republic indefinitely, that much is certain. Their ways are too alien and strange for me, their bitterness too palpable.

The question remains, though: If not here, then where?

Corporate VidReport

Lycana appears seated in front of a gently bobbing camera drone, files and charts spread across her desk. Several charts float in the air, holographic display technology at its finest. She looks up at the camera, seeming almost annoyed.

"Hello Captain Vikarion, everyone. I hope this message sees you in good spirits and health. I'd hoped to get this done in a minimal amount of time; blood and martyrs, these Minmatar seem to welcome an opportunity to vex me. Already, I've spent days longer than I'd intended and it looks like it will take a day or three more before I'm done. Until I see you again, fly safe and be well. I look forward to rejoining you in space at the earliest opportunity. Lycana out."

Death and Life: Part Two

I need to update more regularly. If Vikarion and I continue to get podded on a regular basis, I could lose things. Things I don't want to lose, can't afford to lose.

Like what happened a few nights ago, at Ciarente's celebration. It was a good party, at first. I enjoyed seeing people in person that I've only ever talked to through communication channels, seeing everyone dressed up and getting the opportunity to relax a little. That was my mistake, of course. I got distracted, talking to Zegerth (she does, admittedly, have some fascinating implants) and Cia nearly died. Someone, we don't know who, poisoned her drink. And I was sitting not three seats away, chatting idly while someone attempted to murder my friend.

I was trained to defend people at events like these. Yes, I was intended primarily for show, but my mentor always said 'you don't have to live down to expectations.' If I had been paying attention, maybe I would have noticed a drink being switched, or something being put in it. If I'd been doing my job, instead of becoming moon-eyed over some...

That is why I'm teaching Cia to defend herself. I can't correct the mistakes in my past, but I can atone for them. I can help make my friends safe, so I will. Cia is a good student, obedient and willing to work hard. She really could become a decent fighter. It is sad, in a way. So much about her is innocent and it brings sorrow to my heart to take that innocence away from her.

But what choice do we have?

Death and Life: Part One

I have had the most interesting last couple of days. I feel the need to document them for my future selves, against the possibility that they wake up without remembering. I will start with the first set of events logged here, then move on to the second.

For two days, Captain Vikarion and I have been harassing CVA interests in Providence. I doubt we did any substantial damage, but we did succeed in making a statement and saving several of our sister vessels. It is an exhilarating experience, to bear down on another capsuleer fitted for combat, releasing drones while praying your tank will hold... most exhilarating, indeed. We ultimately lost our lives both times, our lives and the lives of our crews. I feel no guilt; my crew knew what they signed on for quite explicitly, but chose to stay on. Had they not been willing to risk death in the name of a cause, I would not employ them.

I was podkilled twice. It is an odd sensation, to watch with distant eyes as the capsule holding your body breaches, the view fuzzing with static before suddenly waking up in a vat someplace else. It bothers some people; they struggle with the questions such events cause them to ask. For me, no. I am here, now. I am alive and I have the memories I have. I am a person now, she was a person then. We are both Lycana, I think. It is the nature of time to express seperation, to isolate 'then' and 'now'. I am this person now, regardless of the past.

And I am at peace with that.