I have missed space. Too long have I spent on that blasted planet, negotiating my way through redtape and the simple ill will of the Matari people I was attempting to purchase services from. Next time, I will simply hire a stand-in to take care of such things: I do not belong in an office.
And I have missed my corpmates, more than I had thought I would. I'd forgotten, or never really known, how much they did for me, keeping me connected, keeping me whole. It's a startling realization to learn how easy it is to sink into the oceanic depths of isolation and loneliness without people to connect to. They keep me afloat.
And then there is Zegerth. I know Cia finds her somewhat... eccentric, but I find her quite pleasant company. Before this entire becursed business endeavor, she dragged me out to a bar, the Last Gate, for drinks and conversation. I must admit, I have never truly cared for bars before, but I can see the appeal now. To be alone with someone, yet still in public, to have a conversation openly, but able to withhold its contents from others... yes, I can see the appeal, now. For the first time in a long while, I felt free. I have spent a long time watching the waves in their relentless, uncaring procession. It is nice to have someone around to point out that the stars, also, can be seen.
Still, my mind drifts restlessly. I miss my people; I miss the feeling of knowing my place in the world. I know, with a certainty I thought reserved only for prophets and saints, what I need to make happen. Where I should go, what I should do to make my dream become a reality, though, are questions that, like a net, hinder and bind me. I cannot remain in the Republic indefinitely, that much is certain. Their ways are too alien and strange for me, their bitterness too palpable.
The question remains, though: If not here, then where?
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